A LITTLE BACKGROUND INFO
My dear husband, obm, died 15 months ago. My friend from high school just became widowed less than a year ago. We have been in touch only via Facebook as we live 7,000 miles apart. Today she posted a heart wrenching post and I responded. She thanked me for understanding and reaching out even in my own grief!
I reached out to her despite my grief because I thought my experience might help. I am quoting my second response to her (with her name changed). If someone you know has experienced a significant loss and grief and has hit an exceptionally “low” point, maybe this well help.
When I support someone in time of immense grief, which can happen even years after the event, I reach into my own being and identify with what they are feeling. I surround them with compassionate, empathic caring thoughts. I speak of the deceased in the present tense, because to us, they still are – even if it is in memory. I do not talk about “my stuff” or tell them what they should do unless it is significantly supportive, (in this case, her husband also died from serious fatal illness).
Here is my message:
“Dear Martha, my heart aches for you. I know how much you love him. It is an awful feeling when the reality of his physical existence is no longer in reach. When you want to hear his voice and the sound is getting dimmer. The physical ache in your gut from loneliness for him. I totally understand. He is your other half and you feel incomplete now. I am so sorry for the pain you are in. For me, the only solace I have is in knowing he is no longer in pain, he is not suffering. Of course I would rather have had him completely healed, but that wasn’t in God’s plan. We never will know why on this plane of existence. But have faith, that someday you will be reunited in perfectness. Until then, we just carry on the best we can and remember him fondly.”
Feel free to contact me anytime if you think I can help. I’m a real good listener (reader). Take care of yourself and don’t neglect your own health.
Hugs, love and prayers!