I need to hurry up and get this down on my page before I lose it -the thought that is. It really is JUST NOT writer’s block that has me stunted, It is memory. Like the wispy thing that it is, comes and goes almost seemingly with a “mind” of its own.
I chose to write as the main expression of my consciousness because verbally, I “stink”. I pause, I hesitate and I have a difficult time keeping my audience’s attention. What do I mean by that? Well first off let me explain a few things. I am probably one of the oldest students in this blogging course right now primarily because I don’t want to lose the precious gift I do have or at least preserve most of what I can. I have a learning disability that was never actually diagnosed as a child but by mid-life the “label” became much clearer. I have APD or Auditory Processing Disorder. It takes longer for my brain to process and retrieve the information coming to it through auditory channels. I hear you, but I may not understand you. And so in the classroom setting where a child is constantly blasted with auditory commands and information, 85% of that information falls into a black hole of sorts. My whole life has been a struggle in this way, not just in a classroom setting.
Writing is a whole other story for me. I need to write down almost everything I hear before I lose it or at least the main headings so maybe it will trigger my brain to fill in the gaps. I learned to compensate for my challenges in many different ways and even made it through college. I thank God for my Mother who had the patience of a saint in helping me learn by re-teaching me things in a different way so that I could grasp information better.
All throughout school and beyond, I wrote. Poetry, short stories, some fiction and some research papers. If I write the “wrong” word or phrase, it was quite easy to to take a few minutes to rethink what I was trying to say and no one would notice my stutter, pause and delayed retrieval.
So back to the beginning before my time runs out. I will be 66 years old this summer. I lost many of my most beloved family members including my husband of 48 years. I have lost my income and I am losing my precious memory. I want to keep exercising it so that it is not lost completely and that there should be a semblance of recognizable “me” in this world. So much to share and precious few moments.